best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
