i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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