I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
