? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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