we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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