I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
