Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
