we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
