Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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