I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
