My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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