Do you still have your period?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
