Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
