I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
