something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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