as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it glows. i had to have it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His nipple licking is glorious
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