Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
