I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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