i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
