Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
