Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
