so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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