There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
