did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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