I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
a search helicopter?!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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