I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
