Porn is love you can see.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
