just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
