Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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