its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
