how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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