This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
