im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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