remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
