i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
