i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
