I just saw a hot homeless man
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
