Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
