Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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