Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
