How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
