Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
