Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
