basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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