Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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