I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
