Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
