fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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