dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
