VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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