Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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