I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
