we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
