Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So much rum. So many feels.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
